Thank You Sir, May I Have Another?

I don't know how much detail I can go into today, but I've got to at least give a little overview of what's going on. I've been up for a promotion at work and found out today that it's been given to someone else. There's nothing I love more than life kicking a guy while he's down. I felt like crawling under my desk and waiting for the day to be done. This is the second time I've been passed over in the past year. I guess they're trying to tell me something. There's such a dichotomy here. On the one hand I get these glowing reviews of my good work, but on the other hand, I'm not competent enough to move up the ladder. I'm really bummed. That's probably going to have to be the end of the story. I'm the sole breadwinner for my family, can't go getting dooced.

In other news, I got to leave work early to go take my stress test. That seemed to go pretty well. I never felt anything strange and got my heart rate going pretty high. Not that I was expecting things to go wrong there. I already know it's not exercise that's the problem. I should find out the results of that and my 24 hour monitor in a couple of days.

When I left the hospital, I wanted nothing more than to stop and pick up a new game for my computer or PS2, go home, tell the family to leave me alone, and play the game until I couldn't stay awake anymore (usually 3-4am is an early night when I'm feeling like gaming). Instead, I didn't stop to buy a game, as I knew I couldn't justify spending the money. Then I arrived home and found The Wife and the kids in the middle of purging toys to make room for the new ones they got for Christmas. So instead I started pitching in on that right away. She told me a couple of times I didn't need to help, but I couldn't just blow them off when they were in the middle of a big project like that.

Anyway, the point I really wanted to get to (about damn time!) is that I'm tired of worrying about money. Trying to get more money was part of the reason for putting myself out there 2 times for the promotion. Never having enough is certainly the "heart" of the heart problems. And not being able to justify spending a few bucks on a game for myself is just shit. I have a VERY good job. I make lots of money. Unfortunately, it's still not enough. I know the holidays puts a crimp in everyone's cash flow, but for the past week and a half, every dime we spent had to go on a credit card. Then, I come home after The Wife balanced the checkbook this afternoon, and she tells me "If you can avoid going out to eat for the next 2 weeks, that'd be good." WTF? It's only been 3 days since I got paid. I am so sick of this.

It's just been a really crappy day all around. I just want to curl up and sleep and pretend none of it matters. The burden of these responsibilities is killing me.


Updated to add - I can't even sleep to ignore it all. I woke up around 5am and couldn't move my legs since the cats had taken over my half of the bed. By the time I woke up enough to realize what was going on and push them out of bed, I was awake. I stayed there about 20 minutes until I finally gave up, came downstairs, and spent a couple of hours killing Nazis on my PS2. That didn't help much.